'Feeling Gratitude for the Intangible'

Talk given in Maryland Heights Ward 11/24/2013.

My name is Letty Goering, and I am going to speak today about different kinds of gratitude, being grateful for trials and enduring well, learning to be grateful for intangible things, and the sin of ingratitude. I also want to touch on the commandment to become like unto the Savior, the doctrine of the Atonement, and the role it plays in enabling us to gain eternal life. Above all, I hope to communicate the message that the Atonement should be an essential part of our daily lives, and can be an infinite source of comfort , strength and joy.

KINDS OF GRATITUDE

It is easiest to be grateful for tangible things than intangible things.  

It is easier still to be grateful for tangible things that we use everyday.

-I feel gratitude for my house, for heat, for clothes and food.

We often feel great gratitude for things that we have not previously had or possessed

-It took me 27 years to find my husband, and I believe that his had given both of us a depth of gratitude for our spouse, the crazy person who looked at us with all our baggage and decided to board the plane anyway, that is perhaps deeper than it would have been had we married and 19, 20, or 21.

-I feel grateful every time I drive our new car. Unlike the driving experience, for those of you who have joined me in Betsy, of wondering when the next bump will short circuit that electrical problem again and leave you stranded, if the check engine light really means business this time or if its just that pesky short again, if the clattering noise will stop once the engine ‘warms up’ and wether or not I still have the spare quarts of oil and jumper cables in the back where they are supposed to be. Having had this experience for the past ten years, I feel a sigh of gratitude whenever I sit behind the wheel of Richard’s treasured new Volkswagen.

Humans are also likely to feel gratitude for things that we have recently lost, in a kind of sad, retrospective gratitude. You feel this kind of gratitude when you look back at your life and wish you had realized and cherished how good those moments were when you  had them.

-I feel very grateful for the years filled with fun, afternoon naps, and all night talk sessions on the steps of my condo in college.  Because now afternoon naps are almost impossible to come by, and staying up all night comes with an ever-increasingly painful price tag.

-You might feel grateful for a loved one who has passed on, or for financial security that has since escaped you, or for a time of health that you no longer enjoy.  In remembering and being grateful for the past, it is important we walk the fine line between gratitude and feeling sorry for ourselves – do not let being grateful for what you once had create dissatisfaction and anger with the situation you currently have. Rather, let your time on the mountain peaks of life buoy you up, and give you the strength to keep moving forward through the valleys.

BEING GRATEFUL FOR TRIALS AND ENDURING WELL

Of enduring trials well, the late Apostle Neal A. Maxwell said this.

“The valiant among us keep moving forward anyway, because they know the Lord loves them, even when they “do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Ne. 11:17). As you and I observe the valiant cope successfully with severe and relentless trials, we applaud and celebrate their emerging strength and goodness. Yet the rest of us tremble at the tuition required for the shaping of such sterling character, while hoping we would not falter should similar circumstances come to us!

I like the last point he makes here, that shaping a ‘sterling character,’ becoming more Christlike, requires a steep tuition, and cannot be achieved in a life without these ‘tutoring trials.’

Since the Lord wants a people “tried in all things” (D&C 136:31), how specifically will we be tried? He tells us, I will try the faith and the patience of my people (see Mosiah 23:21). Since faith in the timing of the Lord may be tried, let us learn to say not only, “Thy will be done,” but patiently also, “Thy timing be done.”

We cannot, unfortunately, demand to be lifted up on the peak NOW because we are TIRED of struggling through the valley. We can only endure and submit to the will of the Lord. This concept, if you try to explain it to the worldly, pleasure loving people of our society, is simply not one they can grasp. ‘Enduring’ and ‘submitting’ are considered wussy words or cop outs.

Neal A. Maxwell also addresses this point. ‘… enduring and submitting are not passive responses at all, but instead are actually more like being braced sufficiently to report for advanced duties, while carrying—meekly and victoriously—bruises from the previous frays.

Which brings me to my next point ---

LEARNING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR INTANGIBLE THINGS

I’m not saying that humans DON’T feel gratitude for intangible things – but I somehow feel that this kind of gratitude is left to be expressed in birthday cards or Oscar acceptance speeches. Where they look back and realize that they really could NOT have done it without their spouse’s support, their parents belief in them, etc. etc.

TRUE KEYS TO HAPPINESS

And I believe that the true key to happiness is found in being grateful , above all, for the intangible¸ every day, in each moment.

Gratitude for the intangible is a key to anger

-When your child overturns their cereal bowl at breakfast, stop, and take a minute to be grateful that Heavenly Father has placed this precious spirit in your home for you to love, guide, and be blessed by their love in return. Refuse to allow anger to damage their confidence in your love for them.

Gratitude for the intangible is a key to loving your neighbor

-Sometimes people say hurtful things. Thoughtless things. Sometimes they say downright stupid things. When this happens to me, it helps me to pause and think of the reasons I am grateful to have them in my life.  Maybe all you can come up with is that they sign your paycheck – but that’s still something big to be grateful for! But usually I find a multitude of reasons that I am grateful to have someone in my life, like their big heart, their work ethic, their many kindnesses in other ways.

Gratitude for the intangible is a key to depression

-On days when getting off the couch seems like an insurmountable obstacle – spend the time you are on the couch being grateful you HAVE a couch, a TV, a home. Be grateful for your experience with this debilitating emotion – even though it might seem so meaningless, and so unfair. I love the added perspective the Apostle Jeffery R. Holland gave this October in general conference when he spoke about this illness that touches so many of our lives.

In striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again. Of greatest assurance in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, a Redeemer, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over those tests and trials, even though the cost to do so would be unfathomable for both the Father who sent Him and the Son who came. It is only an appreciation of this divine love that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive.

So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.”4

The Sin of Ingratitude
In researching for this talk and thinking about gratitude, a remember hearing a quote somewhere that struck me with great forcefulness. This same old saying was reference in an October 1989 conference talk by Elder W. Eugene Hansen.

It has been said that the sin of ingratitude is more serious than the sin of revenge. With revenge, we return evil for evil, but with ingratitude, we return evil for good.

Before it was explained to me this way, I would have said ‘hands-down, revenge has got to be way worse. I mean, yeah, we should all be grateful , yadda yadda – but ingratitude as a sin? It had never occurred to me. Until I looked at it this way. Until I recognized it in this light –  that with so much good that has been given us,  the nurturing of an evil and angry heart, of ingratitude, is repaying good, with evil.

So. Ingratitude. BAD sin.

In the New Testament, we are commanded in Ephesians 1: 15-16 to “Cease not to give thanks” and in Colossians 3:15 “Be ye Thankful.”  In the Book of Mormon in the book of Alma Ch. 34 vs. 38 we are commanded to “Live in Thanksgiving daily.”

So I don’t think we can be in any doubt about how the Lord feels about gratitude – and ingratitude, for that matter.

We’ve talked a lot about the kinds of gratitude we feel, for tangible and intangible things. But lets look at ingratitude now. First, where does it come from?

In the Book of Mormon, it the Book of Mosiah, the prophet and King Benjamin gave the quintessential spiritual description of this ‘Natural Man’ fellow.

19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

From this we learn that illuminating gospel truth that we are here on this earth to be tried, and to be tested, a purpose that President Thomas S. Monson, the living prophet of the Lord on the earth today, reminded us of in October.

“This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life.”

WE ARE TO BECOME EVEN AS THE SAVIOR 

So, here we are on the earth, living life, hoping for eternal life, but naturally selfish and unkind and prone to sin. And yet, upon his visit to the Nephite people on the American continent after his resurrection and Atonement, he taught the people “Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.”  Not, as good as you can be. Not, do more good than you do evil. Not , love everybody and the karma comes back around. But astonishingly, staggeringly, he commands us to be ‘even as I am.’

Thankfully, by the grace of God, the more we concentrate on becoming like unto the Savior, on sublimating our will to the will of the Father, we can dramatically decrease our tendency to whine, feel sorry for ourselves, or in other ways respond like the natural man.

In that same October address, the Prophet explained, When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, “Is there no balm in Gilead?”1 We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required.

Does this sound familiar? Oh Boy. It did to me anyway. President Monson went on to explain the importance of learning from the hard times, of refusing to be broken by them, and of coming through them a better person.

Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.

The key to becoming something ‘different from what we were” and ‘Better than we were” lies in the most important of all intangible gifts

The Gift of the Atonement enables us to become better than we were.

So often forgotten in our daily ‘gratitudes,’ or mouthed as a ‘Sunday school’ answer “Oh, of course, and that.”  The gift of the Atonement should never be a postscript in our mental gratitude journals. It will transform our existence on this earth, and bring HOPE to every moment of our struggling, fallen, imperfect life, if we let it.

Neal A Maxwell explained, in the same talk from 2001 I have been quoting so heavily

Ultimate hope, of course, is tied to Jesus and the great Atonement, with its free gift of the universal Resurrection and the proffer of God’s greatest gift, eternal life (see Moro. 7:40–41; Alma 27:28; D&C 6:13; D&C 14:7).

The Atonement: Ressurection vs. Eternal Life

Do not miss the careful doctrinal distinction. Because Christ died on the cross and rose again on the third day, he broke the bonds of death, and ALL MANKIND, every living soul on this earth, will be resurrected when he comes again. We will ALL live again, good, bad, and in between.

However, the greatest gift, is the gift that Elder Maxwell describes as ‘proffered’ – a gift we are given a chance at receiving, but no guarantee – the gift of a eternal life, meaning, a live in the presence of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and our own eternal families. THIS gift was achieved in what went on BEFORE the cross, in the Garden of Gethsamane, where Christ literally sweat ‘even as it were, great drops of blood’ as he took upon him all the sins of mankind. Where he paid for every murder, every rape, every unkind thought and petty thievery, every moment of ingratitude and selfishness.

Again from Elder Maxwell.

“Several scriptures describe the essence of that glorious and rescuing Atonement, including a breathtaking, autobiographical verse confiding how Jesus “would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink” (D&C 19:18). Since the “infinite atonement” required infinite suffering, the risk of recoil was there! (2 Ne. 9:7; Alma 34:12). All humanity hung on the hinge of Christ’s character! Mercifully, He did not shrink but “finished [His] preparations unto the children of men” (D&C 19:19).

In the agonizing atoning process, Jesus let His will be “swallowed up in the will of the Father” (Mosiah 15:7). As sovereigns, choosing to yield to the Highest Sovereign is our highest act of choice. It is the only surrender which is also a victory

Utilizing the Atonement in Our Daily Lives

In order to seize hold of this ‘proffered’ gift, of eternal life, we must ACCEPT the Atonement of the Savior. We must allow ourselves to be saved. We must do our very best, every day, and then kneel at the close of the day, repent with honest heart, and ask for the places where we have fallen short to made up for with the blood that has already been paid for our sins of that day. And it is willingly, joyfully applied.

Remember how we humans tend to be most grateful for the things we use every day? Ask yourself, do I use the Atonement of Christ every day? Do I repent each evening, and strive to do better each morning? Do I feel gratitude for this incomparable gift EVERY day – or only on Sundays? Or only at Christmas?  

Beyond Repentance for Sin, the Atonement as Succor for Our Daily Hurts

Something I felt very strongly to touch upon, in addition to how the gift of Christ’s Atonement has paid for our sins, is the other use of the Atonement that is often overlooked. 

Uniquely, atoning Jesus also “descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things” (D&C 88:6; see also D&C 122:8). How deep that descent into despair and abysmal agony must have been! He did it to rescue us and in order to comprehend human suffering… Moreover, Jesus not only took upon Him our sins to atone for them, but also our sicknesses and aching griefs (see Alma 7:11–12; Matt. 8:17). Hence, He knows personally all that we pass through and how to extend His perfect mercy—as well as how to succor us.

Therefore, let us not resent those tutoring experiences which can develop our own empathy further (see Alma 7:11–12). A slothful heart will not do, and neither will a resentful heart. So being admitted fully to “the fellowship of his sufferings” requires the full dues of discipleship (Philip. 3:10; see also 1 Cor. 1:9).

Do we realize, on those tough days, those sad days, those ‘couch’ days, that Christ has also felt EXACTLY what we are feeling? And that the gift of the Atonement is also a gift of power. A wellspring of strength beyond our own that we can reach out and tap… that we can say as the New testament father, who brought his stricken son to be healed of Jesus Christ “Help Thou Mine Unbelief.” 

When my heart aches and some days feels like it might just burst with the anguish of wanting a child, I know there is one friend I can go to who knows EXACTLY what that pain feels like. And when I go to Him on my knees, the anguish eases, and peace and comfort flows into me.

·         If you are suffering from addiction, might I recommend my Savior? He knows how hard that struggle is, He experienced it.

·         If you are nervous and frightened, might I recommend my Savior? He experienced what it feels like in your gut when you are looking at an uncertain future and hoping you can survive.

·         If you feel guilty or angry, might I recommend my Savior? He experienced your feelings of inadequacy, and frustration, and helplessness. Your fear that you might never overcome your natural man.

·         If you are feeling lonely or lost, might I recommend my Savior? He experienced what it feels like to stand in a crowd weeping inside and feel like no one notices or cares. He experienced abandonment, and betrayal,

·         If you are physically or mentally ill, might I recommend my Savior? He experienced that heavy sinking feeling that ties you to a couch, he experienced what it feels like to look at a day and wonder how you will get through it, he experienced how much some simple tasks can hurt a fragile, malfunctioning body.

I have always loved that Thanksgiving precedes Christmas in the standard Holiday calendar. It gives me a time to reorient myself, to remember to be grateful, and to remember to be MOST grateful for incredible day my Savior was born, for this first gift of Christmas, which paved the way for the gift of His Atonement. I might not be able to hold this intangible gift in my hands, but I can feel the joy of it rush through my veins, and the peace of it fill my heart in an aching hour. The incomparable gift of the Atonemnt brings me, like the prophet Nephi expressed to beautifully, to “Sing the song of redeeming love” and to say with the prophet Alma “there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.”