Discouragement: A Germ of Its Own

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, For Times of Trouble, as published in "However Long and Hard the Road." (p4)

F. Scott Fitzgerald once said "Trouble has no necessary connection with discouragement, discouragement has a germ of its own...as different from trouble as arthritis is different from a stiff joint."

Elder Holland quotes this famous line from F. Scott Fitzgerald on P.2 and again on P.3, in his talk For Times of Trouble.  He then goes on to expound that discouragement is a nasty, growing, corrosive disease, one that "...takes an increasingly severe toll on our spirit, for it erodes the deepest religious commitments we can make - those of faith, hope, and charity."

I loved Elder Holland's point that when we allow ourselves to become discouraged, we turn our focus inward, and become increasingly self-absorbed. This self-centered focus inhibits our capacity to love and care for others, and decreases our desire to serve others, as well as our ability to love ourselves and our spouses. One of the greatest struggles I hear myself and other women who are dealing with infertility describe is the tendency to overwhelming discouragement. The bone-deep weariness that comes with  yet another doctor's office, yet another procedure, yet another time of waiting. As I read this talk, it was a gentle message from Heavenly Father that even in the midst of undeniable sorrow, discouragement did not necessarily need to follow. And rather than luxuriating in my 'right' to be discouraged, because, well, who wouldn't be, this sucks----instead I needed to go forward with faith, and battle against this 'germ' of discouragement, lest it infect my entire being.

In this talk Elder Holland shares the story of a 67 year old Thomas Edison, who had yet to make any of the inventions for which he is now famous. (And isn't that an lesson on 'retirement!'). Anyway, there was a huge warehouse fire that burned down everything he had, required the fire companies from 8 different towns to control the blaze. Edison's reaction? First, he called his daughter and asked her "Where's your mother? Tell her to go get her friends. They'll never see another fire like this as long as they live."  Just before dawn the next morning he announced plans to re-build, standing in the ashes of everything he had once had.

The moral of the story? Times of trouble can and will come to everyone, but discouragement is not the inevitable companion of trouble. It stems from an entirely different source. Trouble is impossible to avoid, but to allow or disallow discouragement is a choice we make. And when we truly understand this principle, when facing these 'times of trouble' we are empowered to make a different choice than discouragement, and/or depression. We can choose to be happy, to see the good, to recognize that at the very least the fire was impressive. I remember one week in our marriage where an astonishing number of things had gone wrong...when yet another thing exploded in our faces, Richard and I looked at each other and just started laughing, enjoying the disaster, the unlikely coinciding of all of these events in such a short time frame.  Today I don't remember the details of all the things that went wrong, I just remember the laughter. There is a lesson in that, as well, I think.

If Ye are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, For Times of Trouble, as published in "However Long and Hard the Road." (p3)

"If ye are prepared ye shall not fear." (D&C 38:30). The scriptures teach that preparation - prevention, if you will - is perhaps the major weapon in our arsenal against discouragement and self-defeat. Of course, some things are not under our control. Some disappointments come regardless of our effort and preparation, for God wishes us to be strong as well as good."

This section really resonated with me in my study today, because I seem to be feeling a lot of fear in my life lately.  Richard will be starting a job where he travels 5 days a week and is home for 2 of them. Despite feeling that this is the absolute best thing for our family at this time, and being tremendously grateful for the financial blessings it will bring, (hopefully enabling us to grow our family), I am terrified of the emotional price we might pay. I keep telling myself that we will work through it, that we can always quit if the cost is too high, that modern technology gives us so many mediums for contact that it will hardly seem like he is gone at all. I even tell myself that since he has worked full time while simultaneously completing two different advanced degrees programs for the duration of our married life, I will hardly notice any real reduction of time spent with Richard. But in my heart of hearts, I am still afraid.

This fear comes on top of our continuing struggle with infertility. A struggle that at times, often in unexpected moments, will leave me breathless with pain and fighting to hold back tears. It is a challenge that sometimes fills me with overwhelming fear: That I will never be a mother, that I will never hold a child of my own, that Richard will never have a son or daughter. It is a powerful, deep, paralyzing fear.

In view of my current struggles, scripture and wisdom on how to combat fear are becoming some of my most treasured discoveries.  For some reason the term 'self-defeat' stood out to me in this quote. The idea that not only could trials and troubles and the adversary's best efforts defeat me, I could defeat myself. The preparation Elder Holland is referring to here is both your relationship with God and your habits of holiness in your everyday life. Keeping a regular habit of prayer, scripture study and church attendance fill your lamp with the oil of testimony and faith, so that when the troubling trials arrive, (not IF, but WHEN) they can be faced with courage.

I also I liked Elder Holland's emphasis that even for the prepared, discouragements and trials will still come. I used to be afraid to be a mother, concerned that I might get bored, or not be equal to the task. So I prepared and prepared and prepared, taking classes, reading books, taking notes on parenting styles. And yet this preparation did NOT prepare me for being unable to conceive. That trial still came. But what carries me through it, on the darkest, most fearful, most paralyzing days, is the other preparation I did to be a mother.  My study of the scriptures, my testimony of tithing, the invaluable lesson I learned during 18 mths on a mission. My knowledge of how to plead with my Father in Heaven for more grace, more mercy, more comfort. The precious habits of preparation I gained from  previous trials, which taught me where to go to find a haven, a place of loving kindness, a place where arms are wrapped "unfailing 'round me."


On the hard days and through the hard times, I pin my faith on the concept that "all these things will work together for my good"(Romans 8:28) and that it is not enough to simply be righteous, we must also be strong. Strong enough to face our fears, to take the Lord's hand, and walk the path He has given us to walk. And hope with burning faith that these "tutoring trials" will grant me His image in my countenance (Alma 5:14) , that when he sees me, I will be like him. (Moroni 7:38).