If Ye are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, For Times of Trouble, as published in "However Long and Hard the Road." (p3)

"If ye are prepared ye shall not fear." (D&C 38:30). The scriptures teach that preparation - prevention, if you will - is perhaps the major weapon in our arsenal against discouragement and self-defeat. Of course, some things are not under our control. Some disappointments come regardless of our effort and preparation, for God wishes us to be strong as well as good."

This section really resonated with me in my study today, because I seem to be feeling a lot of fear in my life lately.  Richard will be starting a job where he travels 5 days a week and is home for 2 of them. Despite feeling that this is the absolute best thing for our family at this time, and being tremendously grateful for the financial blessings it will bring, (hopefully enabling us to grow our family), I am terrified of the emotional price we might pay. I keep telling myself that we will work through it, that we can always quit if the cost is too high, that modern technology gives us so many mediums for contact that it will hardly seem like he is gone at all. I even tell myself that since he has worked full time while simultaneously completing two different advanced degrees programs for the duration of our married life, I will hardly notice any real reduction of time spent with Richard. But in my heart of hearts, I am still afraid.

This fear comes on top of our continuing struggle with infertility. A struggle that at times, often in unexpected moments, will leave me breathless with pain and fighting to hold back tears. It is a challenge that sometimes fills me with overwhelming fear: That I will never be a mother, that I will never hold a child of my own, that Richard will never have a son or daughter. It is a powerful, deep, paralyzing fear.

In view of my current struggles, scripture and wisdom on how to combat fear are becoming some of my most treasured discoveries.  For some reason the term 'self-defeat' stood out to me in this quote. The idea that not only could trials and troubles and the adversary's best efforts defeat me, I could defeat myself. The preparation Elder Holland is referring to here is both your relationship with God and your habits of holiness in your everyday life. Keeping a regular habit of prayer, scripture study and church attendance fill your lamp with the oil of testimony and faith, so that when the troubling trials arrive, (not IF, but WHEN) they can be faced with courage.

I also I liked Elder Holland's emphasis that even for the prepared, discouragements and trials will still come. I used to be afraid to be a mother, concerned that I might get bored, or not be equal to the task. So I prepared and prepared and prepared, taking classes, reading books, taking notes on parenting styles. And yet this preparation did NOT prepare me for being unable to conceive. That trial still came. But what carries me through it, on the darkest, most fearful, most paralyzing days, is the other preparation I did to be a mother.  My study of the scriptures, my testimony of tithing, the invaluable lesson I learned during 18 mths on a mission. My knowledge of how to plead with my Father in Heaven for more grace, more mercy, more comfort. The precious habits of preparation I gained from  previous trials, which taught me where to go to find a haven, a place of loving kindness, a place where arms are wrapped "unfailing 'round me."


On the hard days and through the hard times, I pin my faith on the concept that "all these things will work together for my good"(Romans 8:28) and that it is not enough to simply be righteous, we must also be strong. Strong enough to face our fears, to take the Lord's hand, and walk the path He has given us to walk. And hope with burning faith that these "tutoring trials" will grant me His image in my countenance (Alma 5:14) , that when he sees me, I will be like him. (Moroni 7:38).